Today was rough. I was awake from about 2-5 in the morning. I have a sore throat. I did not wake w/ Brian’s alarm. No yoga for me. I’m sick today, I thought. I went through the day sick and thinking–well that sucks, on only my second day of blogging about doing yoga everyday, I can’t do yoga?! But I moved on. I didn’t go for my usual walk/run. I just took Ella to the park, the usual meals, the naptime prep at noon, then I put her down and when I thought I’d be able to catch a break, she didn’t take a nap. She keeps taking all her clothes off and just playing in her crib. So, after much consternation, pleading, more food, a lot of cleaning and several hours…she finally went down for a nap at 3:00pm. Brian came home and went right to take a nap himself and I found myself w/ about 2 hours of time to kill.
Did I mention I am sick, my throat hurts, I feel like I’m catching the flu, and I’m grumpy! Oh and TIRED!!! Then I heard it: A vague whisper in my ear, “Yooooga, Yoooooga.” Oh yeah. Yoga (eyeroll). So I watched some TV, put my shorts on, put my hair up, found my cheat sheet, rearranged the furniture and took my mat out. I dragged my feet through the sun salutations and then I rushed, rushed as usual (for fear of “Ella waking at any moment”) but I did it all! I did all of it!
I was letting myself off the hook the whole way…I could stop here. I don’t have to do all the vinyasas…”Does God really want me to strain myself when I’m sick?!” Then I understood in a split second, everyone gets hit hard at some point and I could choose to get on the mat like I agreed to do or I could choose to get hit hard in the future w/ something not of my choosing and probably way more difficult. Mmmm? Great pain not at my choosing looming in my future or yoga now? OK, daily-yoga here I am!
I don’t really believe that by doing yoga everyday I avert some tragedy later (one can only hope). I do realize though, that letting myself off the hook robs me of self-trust and an inner strength and confidence only gained by doing the hard work now. I used to know this from sports but I lost it w/ all the talk of “competition is bad,” be nice blah blah blah. But the truth is to really be nice, to truly love yourself (and your neighbor), can mean, at times, asking yourself (or someone else) to do something hard. I crossed a hurdle today. I believe I can do this. This is for me. This is going to work.
More gifts of yoga. Who knew? Now if I can only ask hard things of others. That’s loving, right?